The most terrifying thing for me was a fear of success.
Failure scared me. Success terrified me on another level.
I don’t really know why.
I think deep down I was afraid of what other people would think. What relationships would it cost me?
I’d feel my heart thumping out of my chest. Before I knew it, my mind was freaking out. Like a train going 90 mph in 6 different directions at once. Air seemed in short supply.
After the peak, it would take me days to feel normal again.
I still feel the onset of panic attacks. But instead of lasting 3 days, it lasts 30 seconds.
What helped me was to stop making every step of this journey mean something about me.
I fail 5-10x as much as I succeed. I don’t take failure seriously.
I have the occasional big success to balance it out. I also don’t get high on my own supply when things are working.
It’s all just like a big video game.
You fail the level 10x and just restart it.
Eventually you beat it. Then there’s another harder level past that.
The 10 level restarts don’t mean anything…
…and neither does the 1 conquest.
(Unless I’m shooting up Cole on Goldeneye with rocket launchers. That’s bragging rights. That’s different.)
You can only play the level you’re on.
And there’s always another one past that one.
I don’t think enough people realize these crazy big feelings are normal.
The feeling of anxiety.
The feeling of being overwhelmed.
The feeling of being frustrated.
The feeling of self sabotage.
The feeling of wanting to blow the whole thing up some days.
Etc.
You’re all good.
Being an entrepreneur is a lonely road sometimes.
It makes 90% of your life better. (No traffic. No alarm clocks. No bosses.)
But it also makes 10% of your life exponentially harder. (Clients. Teams. Payroll. Taxes. Google. Ads. Etc etc.)
I feel ya.
Not sure the point of this rant.
Other than I hope a few of you guys realize the difficulties and challenges you go through in private…
…well, a lot of us have them too.
You’re not alone.
Random thoughts on a Friday afternoon in Mexico.
May the force be with you.
PS
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
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